Life and Times of the Martian Manhunter

Monday, July 31, 2006

Ace's Return! A Secret Alternate Reality?

Ace Chapter 6:

Batman opened the fridge. "Out of suplies! Alfred, why didn't you bring rations! And how did we lose half of the food we had yesterday?" asked Batman, suddenly staring at Robin.
"Master Bruce, young Master Drake is a growing boy. Can you blame him for his hunger? Would you rather he starve?"
"*Sigh* I guess not. Ace, any clues on the strange continuity errors we've been recieving recently?" asked Batman.
Ace began to bark. Batman understood. "So, you say that we're in two slightly different realities that began to intersect when Sinister captured you, taking you to a desert island, whereas I arrived in a werehouse? And this also explains how you suddenly lost the ability to talk, and how I can still understand what you're saying in my version of the reality? Well, that does explain quite a bit, Ace,"* states Batman. "But how are we communicating and interacting if we're in different universes."
Ace explains that the universes are only slightly divergant and that when Batman entered the werehouse, the universes began to see and interact with each other.
"Congorilla, can you fix this?" Batman asked the newly created Congorilla/Khaos clone.
The universes began to fuse...

*This is a homage to cheesy silver age explanations, not sloppy writing.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Wolverine's Tirade Continues! An Untimely Death!

J'onn Chapter 8:

Wolverine staggered back. Healing factor, do your thing! Sure enough a few seconds later he was recovered.
"Scott, have Hank fly the plane while you blast this scumbag!" commanded the feral Canadian, Wolverine.
"You have no riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" screached Cyclops as he walked in to scold Wolverine.
"Toldja," Wolverine said.
I hate to admit it, but for once, Wolverine's right! thought Cyclops. "What do I do now?" asked the X-Men's not so brave leader.
"What do you think? Blast him with your eyebeams!" barked Wolverine.
Duh! Why didn't I think of that? thought Cyclops as he zapped the creature in my body. It was fried to a crisp.
"Wait, Wolverine, wasn't that J'onn's body?" asked Cyclops.
"Oh great!" moaned Wolverine. "Now we're gonna have to arrange a funeral!"
To be continued...

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Something's up with J'onn's Monitor Body! What will the X-Men Discover?

J'onn chapter 7:

Meanwhile, back on the Blackbird, a strange substance began to trickle up what we once believed to be J'onn's leg... The temporarily inanimate body began to rise... The period of time between the exhalence of J'onn's soul from the Monitor body was so short that the new host was not noticed by the other occupants of the Blackbird...
As Wolverine walked back he asked the creature, "What's up, bub?"
The creature snapped back, "Do not adress me with such a tone, human fool!"
*Snickt* Out came his claws. He stabbed two of them around the creature's neck. "Listen bub, I don't feel like playing games with you. You may be having some sorta ID crisis, but mine's ten times worse, so quit giving me all this moan-and-groan attitude and self-pity, or this time, you won't get out so easy as last time Shadow King posessed you!"
Last time? thought the creature, Then he knows I am not who I seem to be... Fine, I shall attack this frail human, and demonstrate to him how to respect a superior being such as myself.
"Er... that came ooooowwwwwww!" shouted Wolverine as he was stabbed by a knife the creature in the Monitor/J'onn's body had changed it's hand to.
"Last time you may have escaped my wrath, but this time, THE SHADOW KING WILL DESTROY YOU!"

To be continued...

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Will J'onn's Identity Crisis be Cleared Up? Maybe!

J'onn chapter 6:

As we flew home on the Blackbird, the flight caused problems. I wondered if my fellow telepath Xavier was feeling the same torture I was. I was feeling a different sort of mental pain this flight. This time, it was caused by...
The Monitors

"Agent J'onn has realised that he is in an artificial body. Should we return his soul to his correct body and give up monitoring this Heroes United group?" asks one Monitor. body?

"Yes," replied another Monitor, "I suppose we should!" My mind began to leave my current body. I was suddenly with the Monitors. What was my old body doing here?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

J'onn Returns! Will Superman Save him?

J'onn chapter 5:

As I awakened I felt a pulling on my head. Tendrils were inserted into it and I started to float. A being called the Shadow King had decided to possess me to destroy the X-Men. Cyclops, jerk that he is, wanted to blow me up. With Wolverine's help. So I made him pay. I was about to attack, when suddenly some girl with a Southern accent decided to fight me. So I attacked her. After all, Southern accents bother me. Before I could connect, the one named Rogue grabbed my leg. She drained the power. I was myself again, but at what cost?

Meanwhile Superman was on his way here to help. Those signals I'd been sending out must've been working. He arrived to see the Rogue creature which had absorbed my power fusing with Carol Danvers, known to some as Warbird, and also a metalic X-Man named Colossus. So, naturally, thinking that they had captured me, which was more or less true, he began to fight. As he hit Rogue, Warbird flew out of her. About then I woke up to see Rogue choking Warbird. The Shadow King had entered her. I had had just about enough of this chaos! Wolverine was rambling about Hydra and some father or somthing, and Colossus was still fused with Rogue somehow. So I shapeshifted into a fluid-taker and injected myself into Rogue's back while she was choking Carol. I then dumped the Shadow King poison into a random rock, which I blew far away with my Martian breath. The threat of the Shadow King was over... for now.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Ace Continues his Story! J'onn'll be Back Someday...

Ace Chapter 5:

Well, Congorilla, Batman, Robin and I were in a problem... and not a minor one either. We were on an island we believed was about to explode, trapped in a room with a godlike entity, which was nowhere near as powerfull as he would soon be.


"Yelp, howl, bark!" I commanded Congorilla. He solemnly agreed... He sat down and began to do a meditating like stance... 15...14...13... Hurry up, Congo... 11... Congorilla began to go mad. I saw his spirit floating out of his body... As was the incomplete Khaos clone's. 8...7... The transfer was complete. 5...4... "BARK, YELP!" I howled quickly! Khaos/Congorilla understood and terminated electricity on the island. We were safe... but how will we get out?

Khaos a Fake? Impossible!

Ace Chapter 4:

In waddled a crazed primate! Congorilla was clearly not happy to be here. He grunted and snorted and altogether bothered me.
"Bark woof yelp howl!" I commanded him. He raised his hand to his head in a salute. He is military. * We animals have a way of understanding each other. So Congorilla began to pound on Khaos.
"Bah! Foolish animal! This is not the true Khaos! This is mearly a much weaker simulation! Soon the real Khaos will be here, and he will be much stronger. Until then..." Sinister pressed a button, and he fell through a door beneath him. A countdown began on a large screen which descended from the ceiling. 60... 59... 58... This can't be good...

*Note: I am making this up as I go along. I know almost notthing of Congorilla, except that he can switch bodies with Congo Bill, which I elaborated on making him able to switch bodies with anyone, and that he teamed up with Jimmy Olsen once. I've only read one actual Congorilla comic, and only two stories where he appears. And I'm almost positive he had nothing to do with the millitary. Sorry that it's inaccurate, Congorillaphiles.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Ace Conforonts Khaos! Who is he Anyways?

Ace Chapter 3:

"No... I've heard rumors of you... but I never thought you were real! It's really Khaos!" I tried to say. It came out "Woof bark yelp howl!"
"Ah, but he is real. Soon, not only will the Watchers be gone, but so will all non-Marvelous creatures. Then Khaos will destroy the Marvelous ones in one fell swoop. Genious, no?" raved Sinister.
Just then Batman broke in!
"Robin, toss a Robinrang* at him! Alfred, you can tell Congorilla to come in now!" Batman yelled at Alfred through a walky-talky and Robin in person. Oh, and did I mention that Congorilla and I are old friends? He can switch bodies with anyone at will**, so I figure he could swap with Khaos to prevent Khaos from destroying us all.
"What's taking that 'Gorilla?" whined Batman. Will he arrive in time? To be continued...

*A parody of the Batarang.
**in this universe

Stop Man-Faye!

Now, a break from our usually scheduled posting to bring you a daring new website. I bring you... STOP MAN-FAYE! Just pm me in the Heroes United forum (join already, you slackers) and I'll give you my email so that you can join the blog in an attempt to stop this monster from ruining the reputation of anime fans worldwide. I appeal to you readers, stop Man-Faye.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Ace Faces Peril! Is he also a Synthezoid?

Ace Chapter 2:

When I finally woke up, I was on a table.
"Analysation, complete." spoke a robotic voice.
"Greetings, Ace, pet of Batman!" said a mysterious pale faced man.
"Bark! Woof! Howl! Yelp!" I spoke clearly. In English that would be "Who are you and what do you want?" What? Alfred practically raised me on cheesy movies.
"I am Mr. Sinister. You shall soon know the true meaning of terror, as you gaze upon..." he lifts the curtain off a machine, "KHAOS!" The machine began to vibrate. The Stryfe being cackled menacingly in the backround. A creature beyond discription came from the machine. "N-no... It... it can't be... not... you!"

Meanwhile Batman had arrived, using the tracking device.
"Alfred, you stay in the car. Robin, we're going in!"

Special 100th Post Edition! Will J'onn Survive the Astral Plane?

J'onn Chapter 4

Well, after Cyclops finally decided which X-Men to take with him (and it took several days) we took off in the Blackbird into the astral plane. As we were warping through the dimensions I began to get strange visions. A creature made of grass's silloute floated above me. It began to overload my mind.

I fell to the floor with my hands on my head mental images were abound and it began overloading with strange and doubtful statements.

"Programming is keeping blog run... cheat on the part of Heroes (?) United... two Universal Timelines... oreo-addict... just got out of rehab on Oa with no memory of creating the Life and Times of the Martian Manhunter... letting Synth-J'onn take over for him as a member of Heroes United... Synth-J'onn... Synth-J'onn... Synth-J'onn...!"

I began to yell these statements as I was rolling in pain on the floor. Cyclops heard my tormented yelling. "Hey what's going on back there? It takes some serious talent and concentration to drive this plane, so I can't bother to check up on you." he rudely said.

The torment continued...

"Infinite Crisis... realism... grim problems... confined to one universe... Ace faces pet abuse... has fleas..." My mind couldn't take much more of this insanity. I began to howl in pain.

"It can't be that bad, J'onn! Warbird, go check on him!" Cyclops barked.

"He's stopped breathing, Scott." Carol reported.

"Did he breath in the first place?"

"Do I look like an expert on Martian physiology to you?"

"Well... no."

"Then don't ask!"

As we pulled into the Astral Zone, Carol and Scott continued bickering. As I gradually woke up, enlightened of myself being a false J'onn, I realised that this was going to be one difficult mission...

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Semi-J'onn Chapter! Will He Ever Return to His Own Blog?

J'onn Chapter 3:

Meanwhile, in the Batcave...

Batman began to worry for Ace.
"Alfred, we haven't seen Ace in days... I've always suspected the Martian. Should we really have an alien in our midst? Particularly taking care of our do?"
"Master Bruce, are you sure you need worry? Ace could be on a case with Krypto or..."
"Or nothing, Alfred. I suspect something. To the Batmobile." As Bruce dons his cape and cowl the sixties Batman TV show theme plays... He drives off into a lot nearby the hero of this blog's house...
"J'onn, open up!" Batman yells as he pounds the door. "
"No answer." He mumbles... "Luckily J'onn left me with a key to his house..."
Bruce entered. There was a note saying "Gone to Astral Plane. Be back in an hour." Must be visiting his alien relatives, thought Bruce. Little did he realise, something much worse was going to happen to J'onn. To be continued.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Ace Begins a New Story-line! Paleface Man Attacks.

Ace Chapter One:

I was sleeping silently when J'onn slammed the table for no real reason. I ran out the door and saw a living computer. Interesting... very interesting... Anyway, she's J'onn's problem/help. So I kept running to my doghouse and met up with a creature which looked like a mix between several mutants. It grabbed me by the collar! Again, I yelped. He did not listen. "I will eliminate all creatures not of the Marvel Universe," he said. Marvel? What is he talking about? Does he mean all non-marvelous creatures will be eliminated? As in boring? Or does he know something I don't about the layout of the Universe? I attempted to ask him what was going on. "Woof, bark, yelp, bark, bark!" I howled. No responce. I'd better call Batman on my-- *SMASH* The signal device broke. Now what, I wondered. No Batman-- J'onn! I turned my head to see a car with him inside driving off. No idea what to do... Then the blood began to flow from the wound I recieved when the mutant pounded me. I'll accept help from anyone! Even... Swamp Thing! He's been raving about reality a lot recently. Could he be behind this? No, he may be a little kooky, but he's still a hero. They don't let just anyone join Heroes United. Err... wait, isn't Captain Koma in there? And the Local Henchman? And Magneto? And Lindsay Lohan? I'd hate to see a meeting of them... Then I collapsed from blood loss. To be continued...

The Identity of the Mysterious Visitor! An Astral Threat!

J'onn Chapter 2

"Greetings," said the mysterious visitor. "I am Sage. Do you wish to be escorted to the party of Cyclops?"
What party? Shouldn't this guy have told me that while I was staying at his mansion? What an improfessional leader. "Uh... sure," I said after my short inner monologue.

As Sage was driving to the mansion I began having strange headaches. A voice began to speak to me. "J'onn! J'onn J'onzz! I am in the astral plane. Alert Sage of this and tell her I am in dire need of the X-men's help," the voice began to say." I recognize that voice... It was Professor Xaviar. "Will do, Professor," I mentally said to him.
"Sage, speed up. The good professor needs rescuing and the X-men are just the ones to do it."

As I rode I thought about how it was too bad I missed out on the party. Maybe I should do a little partying before I tell 'em. Naah, that's too malicious for my 4% evil... To be continued... after the first Ace installment.

Monday, July 10, 2006

New Story Begins! Hop on Now or Forever be Lost!

Okay, I decided to start a new storyline here. Well, three actually. I've only decided on two so far though... Okay, so J'onn will be traveling across the country on a search for Captain Koma. Ace will be fighting Mr. Sinister, and Bizarro J'onn will be providing filler, until he gets something better to do. Sound good?

Okay, here we go.

J'onn Section: Chapter One: The Search Begins.

I slammed my fist on the table in anger. Ace woke up, yelped at me and ran out the door. I sighed. I had to go after Koma. But would it do any good? Magneto's out of prison and Henchman has gone on an arson streak so if I leave the house alone it could be burnt down... nah, Ace and Bizarro J'onn will protect the house. How did I get Bizarro J'onn to be my friend anyways? It just... happened. Anyways the forces of evil are still strong. I'll need friends... Powerfull friends. I wonder if the JLA still hate me because I disbanded them... Oh, what about that loose knit band of losers, the Obscure Justice League! Will they work? No, there's a reason they were forgotten... How about my original Justice League pals? We could get Hal and O-- *Knock Knock*
"I'll get it!" I said. It's not like Ace or Bizarro was going to get it...
"Hello, J'onn," said the visitor. Who was he? Find out soon.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

J'onn again.

Here's a scene from Action # 594:

Booster Gold's Speech: Ladies and gentlemen of the press... Thank you for coming. We have a matter of grave importance to discuss. The problem... George Bush... and his crimes against humanity! Several weeks ago George Bush took it upon himself to ignore the laws of this country by invading a foreign land... Iraq. True, Iraq was exporting terrorism, but does George Bushhave the right to jeapordize this country by waging war on another nation. Does this man dare imagine himself a god? George Bush must answer for his crime. You must demand an explanation of his betrayal! No president can be allowed to behave that way!

If you have a copy, dig it out. Notice any differences? Yeah, I changed all refferences to Superman to George Bush, Quaraq to Iraq, and Superhero to president. It fits though, doesn't it?

Ace here!

J'onn got tired of posting, so Ace is taking over! Look forward to Dog Versus Cable Clone (that's the promised Pale Face Man crossover) soon. Maybe next post. Maybe after filler. Am I the only one who notices that this blog is about 95% filler, and next to no story? Oh well... The fans like it. Or at least they don't leave the blog...

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Letdown Hulk Profile.

Here is Hulk's pathetic profile...

I was expecting witty answers to questions and a funny autobiography. Oh well...

Hey, look! Thor!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Lo! Who is that, skulking amidst the tarmac! It is J'onn, hands clutching a reflective halberd! And with a vengeful howl, his voice cometh:

"In the name of Thor the Mighty, I slice through beating hearts like a mad dog who can only get madder!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Thanks to Koma for this blogthing...

You Are Peter Brady

You're cute, energetic, and a loyal friend to many.
And while you may not have super model hair, you hold your own in grooviness.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Breaking News! Martian Needs Help!

Okay, for the first time in about a year, I attempted to play a video game. .Hack//INFECTION to be exact. I can't seem to get through the second dungeon... Anyone else have problems with this game? I took a few days off after I kept losing in the first dungeon, then won when I started back up. Should I do that again? My skills increase with nonusage instead of rust... How odd!

P.S. Trip to Japan has been delayed.

New Links!

As I'm sure you've noticed there are new links on the sidebar. I only had time for a few today, but more will come soon.

P.S. Most of the guys on the sidebar are in Heroes United, so you already know them. Except for Pale Faced Man. Please sp--er, link your site-- on my comments Pale Faced Man. I'm actually glad you did that on --Henchman's site, was it?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Swamp Thing Said...

in my post asking if he had left the blogosphere,

"You didn't scare me away, Synth-J'onn. Not at all. I left. Your programming is keeping your blog running the way we expected, now that we've moved you out of our universe and offically into the blogiverse with Captain Koma where you belong. Power Girl was pissed about this particular cheat on the part of Heroes(?)United, but I guess that's she gets for headbutting your friend Koma. This has all been rather amusing to say the least.
Mission completed. "

Um... So I am a robot made by Swamp Thing? I guess what he means by "blogiverse" is that I'll be doing tons of crossovers and not respecting people who don't do them the way I want? And that I no longer have a real life? That's what I'm getting out of it. True, the recent style of blogging has cut into my "everything else hours", but that's the danger of having a computer...

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Happy fun profile time!

In an attempt to find the Hulk's profile I entered random numbers and found some pathetic profiles! Check out these one or zero hit profiles attached to one or zero post blogs! 1,2,3,4,5,6 the first blogger!!!

Be sure to check out my worthless comments on some of them.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Who was that green man, anyway?

Has anyone ever seen the Hulk's profile? I haven't and have been trying to for a few days now...

Saturday, July 01, 2006


I wake up in Xaviar's screaming about Vibe and Phoenix and Cyclops. Next to me I see Swamp Thing. He's still asleep. I hope he doesn't get as bad as what I just experienced...
"So, did we beat Magneto?" I ask, after halucinating in a coma for hours...
"If you'd concider this a victory..." says the Angel as he begins his story...

To be continued...

*Did I spell that right? You know, you people are like my dictionary these days... (Thanks for correcting me Cyclops. I knew something was up with "Awekening".)