Life and Times of the Martian Manhunter

Friday, October 27, 2006

I'm scared!

I beat Paste Pot Pete easily. Sucked up his gluegun and problem solved. Kite Man was pretty easy too. I mean really, how scary is a hang-glider? But... the calculator... He's my next opponent in all these stalkers attacking me. How am I going to beat someone who can multiply any math problem, calculate what 19 to the 14th power is? Someone who can calculate what I'm going to do next? He probably knows what I'm going to do before I do. Calculators are such scary creatures.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Calender Man

When I opened the mailbox, I found a calender. I looked through it. It looked ordinary enough, until I saw a date circled, next Wednesday, with a note written inside it. "THIS DAY YOU DIE!" This could only be the work of The Calender Man.
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The following Wednesday, as I left the house, I felt a slice across the back of my neck. Apparently the Calender Man was hidden in my front yard, tossing pages of a calender at me. Does he seriously think I'm going to die from a paper cut?
Using my Martian vision, (really! I have Martian vision!) I found Calender Man rather quickly. Becaming intangible, I went back into my house and grabbed the giant calender Batman gave me from his last battle with Calender Man. I hear the Trophy Room in the Batcave is running out of room. Carrying the invisibly coated calender to the yard, I rolled it up, and swung at the Calender Man, knocking him out. The lengths I go to for comic book irony.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Shocking!

Well, it turns out there are two Red Rhinos! The one from the other dimension who is 70 or so years old due to having to wait another 30 years to get back to my time, and the Red Rhino that was naturally here. The two have forged an allience. I'm pretty sure the 70 year old one is senile. Why else would he call himself "The Stapler?"

So, I arrived at the pier. The Stapler said that he would return Ace on the condition that I would swear an oath to fight "The Legion of Appliences." I agreed, naturally. But isn't eight on one a little unfair? I think I might need some allies.

Re: My Name

I have heard several negative comments on how lame my new name is.

You're all fools!

Wait 'til I staple your mouthes shut!

Then your eyes!

Like the foolish humans who torture animals do to said animals!

I'm coming for them next.

Right after I come for you, people who dislike my name.

Friday, October 06, 2006

A Kidnapping!

When I arrive home, I see a note on the door.

J'onn,

I have your dog. Meet me at the pier in thirty minutes.

Signed,

The Red Rhino/The Stapler.

First of all, how would he kidnap Ace? Secondly, why would he change his name to the Stapler? Whatever. I'll just have to meet with him. I'll tell you how it went later.

Monday, October 02, 2006

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I may be old and frail after waiting thirty years, but I have returned to 2006, to destroy the accursed J'onn J'onzz! I have renamed myself "THE STAPLER" and have teamed up with my fellow object themed characters. The roster of the legion of objects is as follows:
Paste Pot Pete!
Kite Man!
Calander Man!
The Calculator!
The Erasor!
Crazy Quilt!
And newly converted to the villainous side, Leather Boy!
Don't these menacing sounding villains make you shiver in terror? Cower! Cower before our applience themed might, I say! COWER!!!
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