Life and Times of the Martian Manhunter

Friday, September 08, 2006

Exploring the DCU: Part 6

"Kneel before my feet, Martian! Kneel before the feet of... the Red Rhino!" With these ominous words, my first supervillain in months appeared before me. Of course, I was knocked out on the floor. Somewhat reminescent of Hal Jordan. Naturally my super Martian stamina enabled me to wake up quickly, near the tail end of his speach. "And for said reasons, I have declared genocide upon the legions of mankind, for their so called modern life, has deteriorated into gobs of violence and idiocy! The world will soon be repopulated by I! Repopulated with the help of a select few, and the power of that fool Xavier's Cerebro machine! The aliens' foreign cultures have naturally helped mankind's deterioration, particularly warlike Mars. This is why you die first. Next the saiyan and his friends. The human's puny registration act will do no good! The aliens must die! Die and never return. I will keep a registration act of new aliens coming in, of course! A registration act of the select few aliens who might HELP mankind, unlike you and you-rrgh!" I did that trick the Vision always used to do, with dematerialising my hand and materialising it again back in his body. It obviously hurt him quite a bit.

"Manhunter! You will pay for that with your life! By the time I am done with you, you will wish you were killed when I hit you onto the floor!" yelled the Rhino.
"So, I slept through some of your monologue. Could you say why you hate humanity again?" I said, stalling for time in an attempt to think of a strategy against this villain, who seems to recover quite quickly.
"But of course! Mankind must know of the reason for their death, or history will only repeat itself!" But if he succeeds in his plan, would there be a mankind left to learn from it's errors? He's just sprouting cliches! Oh, yes, back to planning.

Him: My main problem is with the extreme disrespect children today sprout out! They have no respect whatsoever! I mean, really! Have you seen some of the jargon they sprout today? I mean, really, what's a jive turky?!?!?
Me: If I may, interrupt, I should note that the term 'jive turkey' hasn't been used for several years. I think it's considered politically incorrect, currently.
Him: Again with the political correctness of today! Back in my day--
Me: Listen, you're a supervillain; I'm a superhero. We fight. Not have jibberish conversations. If I win, you'll go to jail. If you win, I'll leave Earth forever and leave you to your plans. Deal?
Him: I don't make deals with the enemy!

Having finally conceived a plan, I override the autopilot, jerk the ship sideways, sending the Red Rhino plummetting against the wall, dangerously close to the door. I press a button, opening the door. It's vaccuum begins to pull him out. His space suit's oxygen won't last a few hours. I decide to save him. After all, heroes don't kill. Particularly me.* I close the door as he's being sucked out the door. Oh, great, I think I just heard a snap. As I dragged him in, I undid the space suit, to see if his back was broken. He was alive, barely. I guess that counts as a win.
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I begin to send the ship home, when a strange vortex begins to open around the ship. Suddenly, I'm in the past. Let's see if this universe's past is as much as the Red Rhino makes it out to be. I think he's blinded by nostalgia, but we'll see.

*The people who've read the new Martian Manhunter mini-series will find the irony in that statement.

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